I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
