If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
