this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
