who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
