It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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