I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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