i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
