What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
