I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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