just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
