I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The Olympian is in my bed
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
