I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
