We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
COCAINE IS GR8
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