May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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