All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
