the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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