1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
