dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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