Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
