Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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