i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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