in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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