I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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