So drunk its hurt
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize