The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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