I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
