omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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