I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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