I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
