I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Randomize
