She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
