Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
