this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize