I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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