can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
