i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
