She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
