he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
