I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
