Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
