8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
