You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
