Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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