i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
