I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
