Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
