You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
