Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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