she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
