This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
