You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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