her vagine was all disorganized.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
