You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
