why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
