from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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