we have pet lesbian snakes
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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