I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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