she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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