Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
