Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wish my penis had an off switch
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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