i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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