Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
