Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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