I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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