I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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